tooth fairy

the tooth fairy forgot to come last night after the children where asleep, and when she remembered at 1:30 am she had to care for a sick child, and nurse another one -- and she fell back to sleep

then at 3 am she was awoken by the child she had forgotten to pay, who couldn't sleep, and as she sent the child up-stairs with a flash light, she quickly grabbed 4 quarters out of her piggy bank, slipped them in a ziplock bag and went to help the child

luckily for the tooth fairy the child asked the tooth fairy to carry her tooth and pillow down stairs so the child could sleep on the couch, and that is when the tooth fairy was able to make the switch with the tooth and the quarters :)

wednesday

the children helped clean out their pool today,
i patched a hole so hopefully i can fill it tomorrow
for them
_____________________________

oh horrendous night
one child woke me up at 1:30 needing something for a headache
the other woke me up at 3:00 -- and i couldn't get back to sleep
till about 6-6:30!! -- just couldn't stop thinking about him and the
situation
_________________________________

why i go off the deep end sometimes i don't know

he said the one of the reasons he hadn't just taken off
already was because of our family together
and we have beautiful children
i don't want them to get hurt

i think it is enough to stay together till the children
are older 16+, but does he see the value in it?

he says he still cares for me
i just hope enough that he'll come back

and i love him
we are just going thru a rough time
all relationships have them
you ride them out
things always get better!

today

____________________________________________

the children were great today
but i've got to do something about my daughters sweet tooth :)
and snacking habits
________________________________________

watered my garden, then of course it rained

not quite

ok so it's not that he doesn't want to see the kids
he only wants to see them when it's convenient for him
he just doesn't want any of the responsibility

he wants to be able to take them out
to movies, eat, fun places
and them dump them back on me to be raised

at least that's how it feels

gggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!

children

the children really helped out around the house today, but then they were trying to get out of being grounded :)

they also kept asking about their dad, when he was coming (i'd already explained he wasn't coming today)

then they wanted to call him, and of course he wasn't there

damn this hurts them

this sucks

how do you explain to children that dad doesn't want to live with them or see them or talk to them? :(

it's 4 am

damn
i was exhausted at 10 and went to bed
now it's 4 am and i'm wide awake
_______________________________

the fireworks store near me is open for the season
one could tell the first day they opened:
there were lots of explosions the other night and every night since
_______________________________

cleaned all the window in the house with the help of the children
showed them how the windows fold in so you can clean them on the out side
(most probably a bad idea with my children, but we'll see :)
wasn't going to do them all but kept talking myself into going and doing this one and that one

one in my dd's room was behind a bookshelf, after she went to play with friends
i moved the shelf and cleaned it
and when the baby got up from her nap i did the window behind the crib

i did avoid the windows in the bathroom:
the house had been advertised with all new windows, and some how we
missed the fact that there were old widows the the bathroom
can't even open them they are painted shut, they have old storm windows on the
outside -- one of which my dd broke when she thru a hammer (she was 2!)

i've got to replace the broken window in my ds's room he broke it years ago
i'm just not sure if i could do it my self -- the least expensive way
(all the new windows are double paned, he only broke the inside glass)

i was cleaning the window at the kitchen sink when one thing led to the other
i decided to replace the light bulbs in the track lighting (needed it for months)
and i just couldn't resist pulling down the wall paper in that corner
which meant i had to clean off my junk area
put all the paper stuff in a box to go thru later
and the other junk in another box
looks much nicer but still needs work
_______________________________________

been working on cleaning the kitchen counter
finding homes for stuff that's there and not just
an instant clean ---- takes longer but should last longer

children

our children are wonderful
they are always bringing me pictures
or flowers
saying they love me

it is wonderful
even if at times it breaks my heart

friends

my best friend who is helping thru all this
is great, she is loud, proud, and funny

but ug she smokes
i hate exposing my kids to the second hand
smoke, and my self

she doesn't smoke in the room with us
she goes into the bedroom

but her whole apartment reekes
and we come home and have to take showers
and wash our cloths

my sanity needs this right now
and i only go over 1 or twice a week
if even that

and without her i don't know if i'd still be here
in one piece

up and at it

_

some how this morning i ended
up with 3 extra kids :)

cat

amongst all this
i have to make a decision about my cat
he's 17

and i guess it's not a matter of making the decision
it's just a matter of when

how can i do this alone?
the thought of it makes me cry

still can't sleep

constantly trying to distract myself
there are daily things i have to do
my life goes on, especially with children
they are so wonderful (at times!)

there are a few movies i would like to see
but cannot

the x-men
the davinci code
prairie home companion

going to try sleep again

hope hurts
can't live with out it
:}

night time

feel very sick

tomorrow will be better

night

random stuff

my 14m old was so cute today she tried to pick up an 11m old (who is twice her size), she came up behind him wrapped her arms under his around his chest and tried to lift him!! then she squatted in front of him and turned her head to look into his face as though to say hello! -- very cute!
_______________________

I finished reading 'harry potter and the order of the phoenix' to my 7y son today, my voice sucks wish i had a better one!, but i would love to talk to jim dale who read the book on tape, my son decided that he liked mom reading it better then Mr. Dale -- i liked Mr. Dale reading because he has the acting ability -- my son didn't care though he still liked mom reading better
________________________________

still really emotionally rocky since this morning, trying not to take it out on anyone, or start crying in front of the kids :)

morning

don't know if i woke up in the dumps today or if several things have conspired to bring that feeling about

__________________________________

a friend is back from college for the summer
he asked if i wanted to hang out a bit
but i told him he would have to make the effort
and well so far he hasn't

i guess i really don't expect him to
and right now i'm pretty sure he has other things going

we'll see


it won't be anything serious with him
i'm not willing to give up any chance i might
have at getting back with my dh :)

hate sleep

need to go to bed

don't want to

need exhaustion

to avoid

thinking

i used to read (a lot!)
with children to chase
i don't get to as much anymore
but i don't think i'm missing anything

books will be there for me to read
once i have taught the children to read

new concepts, ideas, theorys
will be mine to explore
then the children do as well

to remind myself
right now my garden is filled with children
when their roots are strong and their
branches grown
my job will be done
and i will move back to my own garden
the one inside my soul

to be a gentler mother more peaceful
a goal i definitely need to work on
to be a better person

i strive, i fail, i try again!
do many people still work toward this?
am i stuck in the old fashioned ideas
i grew up with? are they bad

am i just rambling today? :)

feeling trapped

i didn't trap him with the first two children we had

but i think he might feel that i trapped him with
the third

this sucks

______________________

for mothers day he took the kids to get me a
gift -- they got me just what i wanted, too!

a new mixer -- i fried the last one :)

the best gift he ever got me was my miter saw!

i love power tools

_________________________

some how the question of me being an out of time hippy
came up to day

and boy did i feel old :)

i was born in the age of Aquarius
and we all started singing the song!

ha! it was a hoot!

rude awakening

at about 5:20 this morning i woke up
to my 1 year old literally bouncing on my nose!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

giggle

luckly for me she did not have a stinky diaper or worse an exploded diaper :)

i think she wanted my attention :)

my nose still hurts

giggle giggle snicker snicker ha!

children

they ask me when he's going to call
they ask me when he's going to get here

and when he does, they act like it doesn't matter
it's frustrating!!!!!!!!!

it's like once he gets here they are satisfied
he's here and it has made their day

but then i don't know if he gets it!

i feel as if he doesn't care!

there are so many people out there who have children and don't care
they buy into the new line that kids will bounce back from everything

and they don't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
well they do only by becoming selfish
by blocking out all others
by only trying to make themselves happy
because they learn from the parent that didn't care about them
that making yourself happy is all that matters
no one else matters
and then they have lousy relationships because they cannot care about others

the children never learn to care about others
they never learn how to compromise in a relationship
how to love
how to make up
how to be a family

and the parent that loves them and is caring for them is stuck at a brick wall

i'm at a brick wall
and i want to cry

daughter's day

today my daughter (6) decided to run away

ug

she didn't get far before a neighbor brought her home

how long is this going to go on?

not ready for this

every time the neighbors granddaughter (age 7) is over, my son (age 7) has a brain shut down and acts the complete fool!!

he's only 7!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

any ideas on how to teach him to leave his brain on?

and she is well aware of the fact that my son will do anything she says!!

:)

quote

you must give
to receive

-- anonymous

hill billy house wife

interesting web site:

http://www.hillbillyhousewife.com/index.htm

to wow or not to wow

some of my friends want me to play wow (world of warcraft) as a way to alleviate boredom and meet people.

but i cannot see how being in front of the computer for hours, playing a game, would help me meet people

and how would that effect my ability to care for my children and house -- i hear of so many people messing up their lives from computer addiction

and it's expensive 50$ for the game, 15$ a month for the on line stuff -- although the gaming key board i looked up on Amazon looked really really cool!

so wow or not to wow?

it sounds like fun, it would be a great distraction, and my son would LOVE to watch me play for hours

hhhmmmmmmmmm

gonna have to think this one thru

babies and cats

we keep the bathroom door closed so the baby cannot get to the catpan
but then the cat cannot get to it either :(

so then the cat in protest
sh**te's in my 50$ shoes

ug!

and there were no chocolate chip cookies
left when I got home this evening

am i an immigrant?

mother is irish, father is american
i was born off base in another country
my father filled out the proper paper work and got me a dod birth certificate
the govmn't says i'm a forigner
everyone i know says i'm not

good morning

mommy! your table is nice and shiny

i cleared it - part if it

sprayed it with cleaner

and smeared it around

i guess it was time to get up